I first came across Non-Violent Communication (NVC) in Marshall Rosenberg’s book that my then partner had picked up at the book shop. We were needing some support with our communication, and this one jumped out at him for some reason. Needless to say, it was too late for us. I kept the book when we … Continue reading It’s not (just) what we say, it’s how we say it (which is all about the nervous system)
These days, a lot of children’s lives, both in school and in outside of school activities, is very structured. Periods of unstructured time are really important for kids, giving them the freedom to do what they want. But sometimes, it is not that easy. Sometimes, “boredom” takes hold. 👉 When left to their own devices, kids … Continue reading “Boredom” and how to give kids the fuel they need to make their own fun
Do you sometimes find it hard in your family to fulfil everyone’s desires? To negotiate a way for each family member to get what they want? Perhaps you'd really like to do something together as a family, but another family member has some resistance to doing the thing you'd like to do, and doesn’t feel … Continue reading Making space for resistance in order to meet everyone’s needs
I wrote something recently about how to respond playfully if our kids tell us to “shut up”. You can read that one here: Responding playfully to being told to “Shut up!”: The ventriloquist game! And I had someone ask me if I had any suggestions for when kids’ use of harsh words goes beyond this, into … Continue reading What to do when kids’ swearing becomes an issue
All behaviour is communication, even if we’re not always sure what it’s communicating! Despite my years of connection-based parenting, I still sometimes forget this. And it came up twice for us last night! We were planning to watch a movie after dinner. Specifically, we were planning to watch the second half of a movie that … Continue reading Behaviour is communication: Understanding resistance and insistence
Can you sometimes see your child's aggression coming, but just don’t really know how to respond to stop it? Deep breathing might help to calm a child, but it can be pretty hard to encourage them to do it once a fight-or-flight response has been triggered! And resorting to yelling, threatening "consequences", or “time out” … Continue reading Responding playfully to kids’ aggressive urges with faux fighting
Putting together my own observations and experiences, and what I know about the nervous system, I’d like to outline my understanding of what is going on when children lash out, how responding playfully can help, and why it can be so challenging for parents. WHY DO KIDS LASH OUT? When kids are lashing out, their nervous … Continue reading Kids’ aggression, responding playfully, and the challenge for parents
I recently saw a post from a mum sharing about how her young daughter had started to express discomfort with her weight, and to call herself fat. And then another post by a mum about how her son was having trouble learning, and had called himself dumb. In both of these situations, I really connected … Continue reading “I’m fat”, “I’m dumb” : Responding to kids’ negative self-talk
I was feeling a bit off all day yesterday and I just couldn't quite get to the bottom of it. A few other people seemed to be a bit off kilter too, and there was some talk that maybe it was something in the stars. By the time hubby came home, I was just plain … Continue reading Sometimes playfulness isn’t enough! Deeper feelings need to be heard too.
Have you ever noticed how those situations in our lives that have the most "charge" for us, particularly in our relationships with our partners, children or other family members, are the most challenging ones to change? I'd like to share with you an example from my life. I used to have a lot of charge … Continue reading Lessening “charge” makes space for transformation!