Are you feeling ambivalent about your increase in freedom?

happy sunI notice myself feeling ambivalent today.

Here in New Zealand, we’re moving back into alert-level 2, and life is starting to resemble pre Covid-19 again.

Restrictions are gradually being dropped. There are opportunities now to see a small number of friends, to go out and do things that were normal before, like going to the playground, shopping, or sitting at a cafe.

There is part of me that is wanting to get out and enjoy all of these things that I’ve been longing for. And yet there is another part that is comfortable just being at home, that doesn’t feel energised to go out at the moment.

And I want to share with you that if you are experiencing that hesitance to jump back in, it is completely understandable!

Perhaps you really enjoyed the slowness, the quietness, the alone time of isolation? You are not in a hurry to get back to your previous “life as usual”, always-out-and-about life full of activities and commitments, busy and rushing.

Maybe your interests and values have realigned during the lockdown period? Some of the things that used to hold your interest, no longer do. You don’t feel motivated to go and do certain things anymore, you are preferring other alternatives. 

Or perhaps your nervous system is in a bit of “freeze” as a result of having been caged up for so many weeks? That can happen when our usual ways of dealing with stress in our bodies (usually involving moving, going and doing) haven’t been as possible.

As for me, I’m just “being with” my feelings, and the sensations that go with them. I’m offering myself gentle acceptance and compassion for where I’m at.

I have the luxury of not needing to go out, of having choice. So I’m just following my impulses, as much as I can.

I’m trusting that I will adjust to this increase in freedom in my own way and my own timing. There is no right or wrong way, no rush.

And I’m sending you lots of empathy and compassion for wherever you are at in all of this.

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