As I sit and listen to my husband expressing his fear and anger over the way the coronavirus is being handled, I keep "resourcing" myself. I'm stroking my gorgeous cat, who is sitting on my lap purring, and I'm tuning into the enjoyable sensations of his fur on my skin. This helps to keep me … Continue reading Resourcing ourselves as we listen to others
Did you ever wonder why you feel so much better after belting out a few tunes in the car? Or singing along with the music in the supermarket? (Or, is that just me?) Singing is a form of controlled breathing due to the way it lengthens our exhalations (breath out). It slows down our breathing, … Continue reading How singing can help us to feel calm and connect with our kids
Has your child ever had a puzzling behaviour that just won’t go away? A behaviour that keeps sticking around, no matter what strategies you try? One they keep repeating over and over, making you increasingly uncomfortable or perplexed? I call these “sticky” behaviours. Sometimes they can be an indication that something inside of US needs … Continue reading Sometimes our kids’ “sticky” behaviours reflect something within us that needs to shift
Did you know that the state of our autonomic nervous system is “self-reinforcing”. 🟢 This means that, if our nervous system is sensing safety, and our "social engagement" system is dominant, then we will continue to perceive more safety cues, keeping us in a “Safe & Social” state. 🔴 But, if our nervous system is … Continue reading Why it’s easy for our nervous system to get “stuck” in an unsafe state
This morning I noticed myself starting to get frustrated. I felt the rising tension in my chest, felt my breath become a bit faster and strained. I consider this an early warning sign! If I don’t take head at this point, things can go pear-shaped. Can you relate? At the time, I was in the … Continue reading Frustration is an early warning sign … take heed!
As parents, there are lots of situations that might trigger us into “Fight or Flight”, ranging from feeling powerless to get our child’s cooperation, to feeling shocked when our child does something that hurts us physically. But we know that interacting with our kids in that state is not going to be helpful. It will … Continue reading How can we shift from “Fight or Flight” back to a peaceful and loving state?
I had a few people contact me about my last post on co-regulation, so I'm responding to some of their questions in this post. In case you didn't see that post, I talked about co-regulation, and how it is a child’s repeated experiences with an adult who feels safe and has the "Social Engagement" branch … Continue reading More on co-regulation
You might have heard that kids “co-regulate” off the adults in their lives. But what does it mean? And why is it so important? Our children’s nervous system is wired to automatically pick up on the body language, tone of voice, and facial expression, that accompany our autonomic states, and to detect whether the environment … Continue reading What is co-regulation?
Have you noticed that, if we are in a state of Fight or Flight, rushing around feeling, looking and sounding stressed, then our children often start feeling and acting agitated too? And if, in our activated state, we glare at them or speak in a harsher voice to them, they may go into Fight or … Continue reading Our autonomic states are “contagious”
I find it fascinating learning more about the autonomic nervous system and how the state of it is unconsciously expressed through our face, body and voice. Did you know that, according to Stephen Porge’s Polyvagal theory, the human autonomic (automatic) nervous system has 3 branches that have evolved over time in animals: ➡️ Ventral (Front) Vagal … Continue reading Polyvagal theory and the autonomic states: Safe & Social, Fight or Flight, Shut Down
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