Aggression

Healthy Aggression: What is it, and how can we embody more of it?

~ samanthacuming ~ Leave a comment

Healthy aggression happens when we have "Fight" activation from our sympathetic nervous system, and simultaneously have the grounded presence of a safe ventral vagal state, which helps to keep our response under our control. Sympathetic activation is a powerful messenger, bringing our attention to things we perceive to be threats to our own or others' … Continue reading Healthy Aggression: What is it, and how can we embody more of it?

Polyvagal theory and the autonomic states: Safe & Social, Fight or Flight, Shut Down

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I find it fascinating learning more about the autonomic nervous system and how the state of it is unconsciously expressed through our face, body and voice. Did you know that, according to Stephen Porge’s Polyvagal theory, the human autonomic (automatic) nervous system has 3 branches that have evolved over time in animals: ➡️ Ventral (Front) Vagal … Continue reading Polyvagal theory and the autonomic states: Safe & Social, Fight or Flight, Shut Down

Responding playfully to kids’ aggressive urges with faux fighting

~ samanthacuming ~ 1 Comment

Can you sometimes see your child's aggression coming, but just don’t really know how to respond to stop it? Deep breathing might help to calm a child, but it can be pretty hard to encourage them to do it once a fight-or-flight response has been triggered! And resorting to yelling, threatening "consequences", or “time out” … Continue reading Responding playfully to kids’ aggressive urges with faux fighting

Pillow games for responding playfully to our child’s aggression

~ samanthacuming ~ 1 Comment

I love pillows as props for responding playfully when my child feels like hitting or kicking! When kids are hitting or kicking, they are usually in a defensive state of fight-or-flight, which means they have lots of adrenaline pumping through their body, giving their muscles a surge of energy. Pillows offer the possibility of so … Continue reading Pillow games for responding playfully to our child’s aggression

Kids’ aggression, responding playfully, and the challenge for parents

~ samanthacuming ~ 2 Comments

Putting together my own observations and experiences, and what I know about the nervous system, I’d like to outline my understanding of what is going on when children lash out, how responding playfully can help, and why it can be so challenging for parents. WHY DO KIDS LASH OUT?  When kids are lashing out, their nervous … Continue reading Kids’ aggression, responding playfully, and the challenge for parents

When wanting to fight is code for “I need connection!”

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My son has been pretty keen on “fighting” with my husband, Alex, lately. This could be any one or combination of non-contact karate-style fighting, wrestling or pillow fighting, throwing or bashing. One of the first things you’ll hear come out of my son’s mouth when my husband comes home from work is, “Fight with me! … Continue reading When wanting to fight is code for “I need connection!”

How reflecting on power helped with screen time struggles

~ samanthacuming ~ 2 Comments

After my 5 year old son discovered Minecraft eight months ago, screen time became very challenging. At one stage, we were having daily battles over screen time ending, with me setting a Loving Limit (something like, "I understand you really want to keep playing/watching, and it's time to finish now"), and him responding with hitting … Continue reading How reflecting on power helped with screen time struggles